I know firsthand how easy it can be to fall into a deep and harmful relationship rut.
Between work, family, and all of life’s many obligations, it’s easy to put ‘intentional connection with our partner’ on the bottom of our priority list.
I also know that avoiding opportunities to connect regularly with your partner can lead to resentment and estrangement in your partnership.
I decided to make a list of ten ways to warm up your relationship and rekindle the connection that may have gotten lost in the day-to-day routines of your life. And the best part is they are easy and effective!
So, take five minutes and find out how you can instantly connect with your partner and bring back the warmth, joy, and happiness you both crave and deserve!
Ten Quick Tips to Warm Up Your Relationship
Tip #1: Remind Yourself: She’s Friend, NOT Foe!
It’s easy to feel like you and your partner are on opposite teams, or worse, that she’s the enemy. Especially if you’re feeling disconnected, resentful, or lonely.
And that’s NOT helpful! It just keeps things icy and distant between the two of you.
Make it a point today to shift into a more positive headspace by reminding yourself that your partner is Friend NOT Foe. You can quickly do that by answering these questions:
Tip #2: Hug Each Other 10 Times Today
I want you and your partner to hug one another at least 10 times today (or tomorrow if you’re reading this late in the day).
Then, pay attention to how you feel at the end of the day.
Here are several great reasons that 10 hugs will help you, your partner, and your relationship…
Tip #3: Don’t say I Love You!
What?… I’m suggesting not to say I love you! to your partner?
I understand that might sound crazy, or at least counter-intuitive, but hear me out.
Here’s the thing…
Many of us say I love you! in the same way, we say See you soon, or Pass the salt.
The phrase becomes so mundane or robotic that it loses the depth of emotional meaning. Right?
Tip #4: Address Her Biggest Complaint About You
If you’re like 99% of the smart lesbians I work with, you know what your partner’s top 3 or 4 complaints are about you — and, deep down, you’ll probably agree that they’re legitimate complaints.
We won’t wander into the weeds of why you haven’t already addressed her biggest complaints, in this email.
But trust me…if you want your relationship to thrive and for your partner to be loving and attentive…it’s time for you to change a thing or two.
So today, I want you to make a decision and do at least one thing that addresses her biggest complaint about you. Just one thing.
Tip #5: Do Something Novel This Evening
Why? you ask…
Because science has proven that novelty…taking a risk or trying something new…can trigger the release of dopamine — and, as you know, dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps you feel pleasure.
When you and your partner feel pleasure together, it’s a magical thing!
Take a minute to think about your established routines and familiar joint activities.
Are your routines predictable, a bit boring, or oppressive?
Starting today, take on the challenge to avoid lapsing into the same old thing, and instead…try something new or different.
Tip #6: Speak Your Truth All Day
I invite you to make a commitment to speak your truth all day long.
Now, I’m not just talking about not telling lies (either big or small). That’s part of it, but the other part is to make sure you speak up about things that are bothering you or that feel very vulnerable to share.
This is hard for so many of my lesbian clients.
As women, we’ve been socialized to be people-pleasers, to get along, keep the peace, and avoid conflict.
Well, let me assure you…that pattern ends up costing us and our relationship dearly!
Tip #7: Make BE CURIOUS Your Mantra
The other vital element for good communication and continued growth is to listen up from a place of genuine curiosity.
So today, I encourage you to make Be Curious your mantra.
Remind yourself to be curious about your own thoughts and feelings and to be equally curious about your partner: her thoughts, feelings, and desires.
Adopting a practice of genuine curiosity will help you be a great listener and therefore, an engaged partner.
Tip #8: Compliment Your Partner!
Stop focusing for a minute on the things that are wrong and that frustrate you about your partner. Focusing on the problem doesn’t necessarily solve it.
How long has it been since you told your partner what she’s doing right?
Or looked her in the eye and said: I’m so grateful for you and for___________! (sharing heartfelt gratitude for what she’s said or done for you)?
When’s the last time you complimented her for how she looks, how she’s showing up, or what she’s been pouring herself into to create a better life?
If you haven’t done that today, it’s been too long.
Tip #9: Dance!
You read that right. I want you and your partner to dance together. Today!
Because there’s magic that happens when you two dance:
- Get your heart rate up
- Have fun
- Laugh a little
- Rev up your attraction
- Remember when…
- Move your bodies
- Bring on some novelty
Tip #10: Date Night
Here’s the simple truth…
If you don’t nurture your relationship by dedicating time to focus on each other and have fun together, it will wither.
Date nights (or dates at any time of the day) are what will nourish your relationship week to week.
You wouldn’t plant a lovely garden and then deprive it of water and sun, would you?
Well, growing a happy, connected, thriving relationship takes its own type of water, sunshine, and good soil — and that includes… Date Night.
Have fun playing with these 10 ways to warm up your relationship. You can thank me later!
In the meantime, if these tips aren’t enough to get you and your partner back to feeling connected and fulfilled, don’t hesitate to reach out to us for some help. We know how to help you heal and create a thriving relationship once and for all.